Saturday, January 4, 2014

When do you give up hope and cope

When do you give up hope and start to cope? I read that on a special needs forum not to long ago, and although the title inspired me to read the posts because it felt somewhat familiar, in my own life, it also troubled me as well. If you know me you have heard me say "if we believe in God then we believe in miracles and if we don't pray for miracles and believe for them then what do we have."So you know that I'm always praying for miracles. Praying for healing of our son, and believing . But as I clearly know the healing the miracles may come , they may be there but not present themselves as we have envisioned or how we may have hoped for .      I don't believe you can ever give up hope, when its your child! I remember very specifically being emotional one evening when Aaron was just a small baby, I remember specifically crying to Randy, " what if he grows up with all kinds of problems?" "What if and what if", and he said to me," then we will handle them and get him the help he needs."After a long journey of fostering Aaron Moses we finally were able to adopt him and go forward in life never looking back. He is our son and God has chosen us to be his parents, even if we so many times feel completely unequipped for the job.
      Such  a heavy and tired heart tonight. A nice evening up until we got home from church. We enjoyed the movies, dinner (well fast food) and then church.  We are becoming very aware recently that activities in the evening aren't such a good idea. Or are they :-/ . Its a day by day, minute by minute never quite knowing if its going to be a so called fairly normal day or the explosion will happen.
45 minutes of rage. Screaming, threatening, throwing things, biting, hitting, running, and hiding all the while I'm staying calm and praying for the meds that were thrown on the floor then finally negotiated into his mouth to kick in.  They don't after a good amount of allotted time so, time for the next dose, meanwhile daddy gets home so some relief is in store. Thankfully Madison was caring for the girls while this was going down. A blessing in retrospect because generally she isn't home in the early evening hours. Thank Goodness for Randy, I couldn't imagine doing this
( @ 2 years old)
alone and he is amazing with our son. So, my posts my pictures yes they're of the good times the smiles the captured happy moments we have and are so great full to have. I will always cherish these good moments pray for the bad ones and be the proudest mom in town. But please know and be praying for families with children that are special,  Somedays are brutally exhausting and downright hard, but we will never give up our hope. Psalms 71 14 I will never give up hope or stop praising you.