Sunday, September 29, 2013

If I would have known, would I have done anything different?

   I want to start this post with.. My children's stories are their own personal stories to be shared by them when they are old enough and how they want to share. The very small parts of our daily life here and now are Our stories and hope to share these parts of our lives to further Gods Kingdom.

  We never get the details. Probably because we can't handle the details. " A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so must Love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another. John 13:34-35 (straight out of todays talk notes from church)
     Let me just say this, my Friday started out like this, out of nowhere. Out of Lavender's mouth, "Aaron do you have the same tummy mom as me?" Aaron chuckled "NO!". Then we moved on not very significant, because if you know my L she seems to come up with questions a lot.
    Saturday begins with rushing around to go to to two birthday parties, first Aarons biological sisters 16 birthday, then a classmates at the park. The phone rings and it's Mama I, Lavenders Birth Mother. She is in the city and would love to get together to see us (Lavender). I'm like ok but I'm going to have to call you back you see I'm rushing around like crazy trying to get to two birthdays today.
So off we go to to the city to Sisters birthday party and as we walked into the birthday room, who is standing before me no other but Aarons birthmother. Mama A. I have not seen here in 5 years, and I have no idea what my facial expression looked like when I spotted her, I always wondered about this moment but never knew how and when and what it would look like. Here we were. It was now in front of me and I could have hustled my children out and gotten extremely bitter and upset that nobody thought to enlighten me or prepare me for this. But that in a instant didn't mean a thing. It was here it was now and happening and I know that I know that God uses all things to his Glory. That's why I say, " I saw Gods grace and mercy first hand this weekend". It wasn't about me and how I might feel it was about >>Again from talk notes today: Loving People with unconditional Love of Christ. One thing I can't stop doing is that. That people is why we are here what we are called to do, according to Gods plan, not ours.  I will go on to say, how very appropriate she was, and she had no intention of telling Aaron who she was. She stood back watched and smiled. My heart breaking for her to think of how and what types of emotions were going through her. You see it doesn't matter that her sin looks different then any of our sins it to God is the same. Finally came to a point at the party that I said to Aaron,' Do you know who she is?' He said "no?!" I said to him this is your birth mother this is mama A, his facial expression was unexplainable then followed by looking her in the face and saying the 3 words I'm sure she has longed to hear." I Love You", out of his mouth. He continued to look at her and even stare at times. I had no idea how this was going to end but again Gods Grace showed its face and went better then I would have ever expected. It was time to go to head to our next party and Aaron said good bye with a hug, and the since of relief the since of the unknown mystery was gone. I'm sure as he digest this questions will arise, but as for yesterday it was just enough. Just enough for a 7 year old to handle and it was all according to Gods plan.
Towards the end of the evening Saturday night texting was going back and forth between me and Mama I. She now needed to see Lavender tomorrow because she had to catch the greyhound back to Tulsa, to make it to school Monday morning. This put me in a tail spin because nothing was planned out, I'm a planner you see, and obviously that was taken from me early there was no planning in the above story no time to think just time to smile and Live how I believe, not how my earthly mind thinks from time to time. In my prayer time and my unconscious time, I'm thinking in my head,  really?? What's going on God? Ok so fast forwarding I agreed to meet Mama I in the hood, completely outside my comfort zone but I remained smart, at least I told myself that. It had to be a public place, I made my teenage daughter go along and had a back up plan that included a bottle of mase in my purse. Our visit went well and got to see my baby girl smile and love on mama I and talk about how much they looked alike. When leaving Lavender wanted to know why Mama I didn't have a car and why was she walking? Lavender said, "maybe sometime Mama I can ride in our car" I told her that would be amazing and maybe someday that can happen. For now for today Lavender knows that Mama I needed to get back to her school to get an education to get a good job and be able to buy a car. And that is enough for now. I'm sure, oh how I'm ever sure there will be lots more questions out of out 3 year olds mouth but for today, today was good.
So hello!! What was all this about heavenly father? Because as my good friend said to me ,I got to pick myself up off the floor now. Well it surely wasn't about me, but maybe a bit of teaching to me. you see the last week I have been struggling greatly about a word. A word called "Restoration".
I have been a little, ok a lot upset about how this word can be misconceived. I keep hearing HOPE, HOPE is anything that can give someone just that HOPE. It can be a hug, a gift, it can be positive words to build up and not tear down and when there's Hope anything is possible ANYTHING! Chains can be broken, cycles and addition can be set free Hope gives and enables restoration, I feel that Hope and Gods Grace sit before Restoration in the word chain and I found myself wrapped up in the thought process of this, daily for a week now! And guess what, its gone. because it doesn't matter, its just a word. And it's not what anyone thinks, it's what and how you believe and what God has called you uniquely to do with this life. It's not ours it is his and we are all called for a purpose and when you stop trying to know all, know what tomorrow looks like that's when the true blessings come down and that is when God is saying Well Done Child, Well done. 

1 comment:

Phil Smith said...

You and your family are amazing to me....God bless all of you.