Well when I finally put L down to bed, I took myself and my new journal to bed and cried until I could not cry anymore. My amazing husband came in to a dark room thinking maybe I had gotten sick until he quickly realized what was going on he very calmly sat next to me grab my hand and said, " It's going to be ok". I said I know. He asked me if he could do anything, I said no and he made sure the room was perfect fan ect., more tissue? bathroom light ect. and then left. He knows me so well.
Ok the journal I mentioned was one I had bought for L's birthmom labeled God Comforts You. I found out she could not have it, so it has been sitting on my shelf how ironic that I now find myself needing it when bought for her 1st mom. I decided to write as much as I can to L to let her know someday of our Love for her. So I open it and the first page side notes read this. My life is but a weaving Between my Lord and me, I cannot choose the colors he worketh steadily. Oftimes He weaveth sorrow, And I in foolish pride Forget He sees the upper And I, the underside.... The dark threads are as needful In the Weaver's skillful hand as the threads of gold and silver In the pattern He has planned.
Blessed are those who mourn: for they shall be comforted. Matthew 5:4
And that is exactly what has happened. I'm reminded once again that every minute every hour every second we have with any of our children our loved ones is a gift from God and I so many times take it for granted. I will choose to live each day one at a time. Court is Thursday and then we will know what they decide.
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